The XIIIth Zaniness
by Amalockh
Summary: The first and ONLY KH Oneshot That I'll ever do, so read it and be stupified! All characters don't belong to me, but to SQUAREENIX. Enjoy! Supposedly, an AxelRoxas Fic... But then again nothing is as it seems.


Hiya, folks. Why do I sound so gloomy lately? Why is it that I haven't posted anything in a long time? Why haven't I been working with my game-like/cartoon crossover stories?

Well that's a simple question.

Here's a simple answer.

I really miss being funny. That was what I was missing in my stories. I do need to do better, and I am trying my best.

Well, no use crying over it now. I thought of this when I visited the KH section, so enjoy!

* * *

Inside the main Organization room, Xigbar, Luxord and Xaldin were gathered at a table and Luxord laid out three cards, all marked with the nobody symbol.

"Okay! Okay!" Xigbar stuttered. "I know it! It's this one, right!" he pointed at the left card. Luxord turned it over and said, "Nope, you looooose….. again!"

The card had a big, fat chicken doing impressions of Tim Allen on it.

"My turn," Xaldin said gruffly.

Luxord used his magic over cards to magically shuffle them out like a shuffler.(That was pointless, wasn't it?)

"I, Luxord, The master of time and fashionable earrings, command you to pick!"

"Okay then," Xaldin started, then said in a low voice, "And quit commenting about your STUPID earrings!"

"They aren't Stupid so, Phbbbbbbbbbbffffffftttttt!" he screamed as he blew him raspberry

Xaldin picks the one on the right, but he gets the card with the impression of Sora, The Keyblade Master kicking his butt on it.

"Awww, come oooonnnn!"

"Eeeeeahhh, wrong! You both failed. I win again. Ha. Ha. Ha." He snorted. Xigbar and Xaldin only grumbled in disappointment, because they didn't enjoy losing. Sometimes it really, really got on their nerves.

"How much ya guys got?" he asked.

"Uh, three dollars," said Xigbar.

"What? I thought you said you had _plenty_!" shouted Luxord.

"Uh," Xigbar started again looking more stupid than ever, but that was just to get on Luxord's nerves, "Well, I didn't take into account that I suck at counting and I don't know numbers; I have only one I eye, ya know, the other's covered up by an eye patch!"

"You Son of a Bitch!"

At that moment Deymx phased in with a box of pizza. "Hey guys, you want Pizza?" he said in a quirky hyped up voice. He pulled the box out of his black cloak.

All three said "Yes!" then Xigbar looked straight into Demyx's eye and asked him, "Duuuuuuude, you're on dope again, aren't you?"

"No I'm not!" the water musician denied.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"Damn it, no I am NOT!"

"Yes… you… are." Xigbar was giggling badly while Luxord and Xaldin watched from afar, amused. They too, knew of course that Deymx wouldn't do 'dope', but this was too funny to interrupt. "Okay, I'm gonna play you a Nocturne!" he pulled out his sitar all cool style, but the water was receded by Luxord's time power. Deymx gave right then when he realized he was a sissy.

"You want this pizza or _not_!" he screamed.

"Yes sure, go ahead, please, bring on the pizza, and I hope it's mushroom, banana, and Teriyaki!" Luxord chirped.

Xaldin, Deymx, and Xigbar could only give the gambler very creped out looks. Who _ate_ _that _kind of pizza anyway?

"You just don't appriciate _good_ pizza." He said as if he were higher on the "He like's Pizza" margin.

"Dude," Xigbar started, "You're really _weird." _

"No…. I didn't," Deymx started, approaching the three with pizza piping hot. "I gots us Pepparoni for me and Xigbar…"

"Right on!" cheered Xigbar.

"Mushroom for Xaldin and Sasuage for Luxord," he finished. Xaldin grinned, wiping a strand of his braided hair out of the way, Luxord walking over and taking a slice.

As he set it down on the white table and all four took a nice chew from each, Deymx asked, "So…. Where are the others?"

Xaldin was the one who gracious told him, "Well, Vexen and Zexion are in the Laboratory testing lab rats to see If they can become Nobodies, Marluxia, Larxene, and Xemnas are in the library researching "Duel, the movie from Stephen Spielberg," and Saix is refereeing Lexaeus' and Roxas's basketball one-on-one."

Luxord went, "What about Axel?"

"Shut up dude! You know he's on 'dope'!"

"I'm not on 'dope'," Demyx replied.

"WHAT!" He didn't see that coming.

"Whatever, man." Xigbar finished.

Xaldin said, "The last time I saw him, he said he was getting ice cream for Roxas."

A low whistle spread throughout the four in the room.

"I'm not sure if you realized it guys," Demyx started, "But somebody in this organization is…. Gay. And I mean, Really Gay."

"Xaldin, can you _plase_ blow away this idiot with your wind power or something?" whined Luxord.

"No, no, no. the lad raises a point, Luxord. If you ask me, I think Axel has it bad for Roxas." Said Xaldin.

"Ah, Keyblader Dude," replied Xigbar. "I always figured that, considering that Roxas is Sora's nobody!"

"Aww but how do we get proof? It's not like Axel will just pop out and say, 'Hello, The World That Never Was, I'm a homo', he'll just deny it," said Deymx.

"Let's do a group reconissance," stated Luxord, "I'll talk to Marluxia and Larxene in the library, Xaldin, you'll meet with Xemnas, Xigbar go talk to Vexen and Zexion, and Demyx, you investigate "Boulders For Brains" and the Keyblade Master." With that Everyone Teleported out, Demyx coming back a second to grab another slice of pizza. Then he teleported out. Idiot.

* * *

"I do not know of any such thing about Number 8 being inclined to act affectionately towards that little fool," was all Xemnas had to say about it when Xaldin asked him. "Besides Number 10, we're Nobodies, we cannot feel anything!"

"Sure, They said the same thing about _Fraiser_, and that Philistine Mormon Moronic Whoremonger makes almost $100,000 every year!" Luxord stated sarcastically.

"Criticize Fraiser again, and considered the "Cards" Flipped over you, Number 10! Now get out!" Xemnas screamed. After Luxord left, Xemnas said to himself, "Got to be another stupid joke by Number 9, he's always high on 'dope'."

* * *

Luxord also had a most disappointing time with the Graceful Assassin and Savage Nymph (Hint! Hint!)

"Okay, so lemme get this straight," Marluxia said sternly, "You're not a Pisces, you're an Ares! I'm an Ares too!" he yelled excitedly.

"You're missing the point!" Luxord screamed.

"Um whatever. Look, Luxy, I'm not gay, I've actually been dating Larxene. Did Demyx put you up to this? If he is, he's obviously high on dope again."

Larxene, who sat in a nearby chair reading, "Three" said quietly, "No I'm not, and yes he is."

"Yeah, we even kissed under the moonlight, and Axel, Roxas, Xigbar, Deymx and Zexion all took a picture of me frenching her.

"That photo was doctored," she said calmly.

"Furthermore, I Frenched Her! Frenched Her!!!" he repeated with Emphasis.

"I only kissed him just to get my book back," she told them. "He always thinks that, just because I team up with him."

"You're mean," said he. "Don't deny that. You're my Girlfriend-"

"I AM NOT YOUR DAMN GIRLFRIEND OKAY!" she shrieked.

"Okay…" Luxord was stunned. Then he left. Not exactly enough proof he needed.

* * *

"I don't know, maybe, but then again, Axel was always _the oddest duck_ in the organization when he first came. Like, one time, he asked if he could braid my hair and I said no. he did so anyway. He said, 'I don't have enough hair to actually call hair,' he said, whereas his is "Untameable"," Said Zexion, then finished with, "His Stupid Ass Fiery Hair is driving me Nuts! Why Can't I have hair like that?" he moaned.

"My Great and wonderous Pupil," Vexen hissed as he manhandled some do-hicky machine thingy-ma-bob, "Why would you want unruly hair like his, when you could have soft and smooth blond hair, like me?" Vexen commented.

"That's 'cause you're the least popular character in the KH series, Vexy," Xigbar replied, and this was undeniably true, "Although Demyx is, and he's high on dope!"

"Yep, true. But no, I don't have any definite knowledge to help you know anything else more. That's all I got. Really," Zexion replied.

"Eh, I gots what I needed."

"Hey! Why don't you stay with us and watch the experiment?"

Xigbar looked out the one way window and saw a mouse on a pedestal. One second it was alive and then the next….

KABOOM!

Mouse splatter was all over the floor. And on the walls. Neither of the three were actually phased by the sound of a mouse exploding, or the guts of them being splattered on the windows.

"Trying to turn mice into Nobodies again Vexen?" Xigbar asked.

"Nah," he replied, twitling away his strands of hair thinking he was sexy, which he is not, "I just like seeing mice explode. Think about it! I'm the Chilly FREAKING Academic for God's sake!

"Or the "Freezing Scholar", in the Japaneese Version," added Zexion. But Xigbar barely knew exactly how that had anything to do with anything.

* * *

"Preposterous! Absolutely out of the Question, Definitely Not, Forget it, Never Going to Happen! Just _Drop, drop _the subject all together! Damn you to Hell!!! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! Sicko! I REALLY wish I had a heart, this'd be where I'd die of Laughter!"

Roxas walked out on his game to Deymx and Saix, standing by talking. Lexaeus wanted to get involved, but then again he wanted to cheat, so he did.

He was all like, "Yippie, I'm gonna get me free points!" then off he went to get his free points. All Nobodies cheered for the rock-head as he continued.

Xigbar, Luxord and Xaldin appeared yet made themselves hidden so no one would see them and they listened in. "Look man, why you getting all hyped up like that? That's some bomb-gettity schoom-betety, grandma, granddaddy, sister-in-law, WHATEVER! You Wanna know why? Cause I just don't give a MOTHER F!!!" Demyx jabbered. Nobody, not even Roxas who still went Unnoticed, knew what he was talking about.

"Number 9," Saix said after a very awkward silence, "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Is Axel Bomb-Shimmagdannying Wing Wang Woodling with Roxas?"

"Um yes, Understandable… not. I ask you again, What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Wing-Wang-Woodling-with-Woxas?" the sitarist Joked.

"Repeat what you just said again?"

"Wing-Wang-Woodling-with-Woxas?" he blurted out again in one full sentence.

"You obviously are High…on… dope… again," said Saix.

Xigbar hiding behind the bleachers with Luxord and Xaldin whispered to the other two, "That's exactly what I said."

"What is with you clods saying that I'm high on dope! For the last damn time, I'm not high on dope! I'm the coolest character on KH2! I got more votes than you!" he shrieked.

"And yet… I STILL don't know what in the hell you are talking about! So tell me what in the hell you are talking about!" He screamed, pulling out his powerful Moon Claymore, and then preparing to go berserk.

"Water!" Demyx's battle cry rang throughout the gym court, than over a thousand water clones appeared everywhere. Roxas, Watching the whole scene transpire was like, "All right! A Battle!" and drew both the powerful Oblivion and Oathkeeper Keyblades, swishing them all cool style!

REACTION COMMAND Appeared on the screen and Wox- I mean Roxas wiped them all out with "Water dance." Demyx couldn't produce anymore clones. Saix stopped his rampage when Roxas stepped in. Saix gave a funny look.

"Only you could have made it this far in one piece, Sora."

"That's really getting old! I'm Roxas, you dumbass!"

"Just Kidding, Geez! I'm sorry! Big Sissy!"

Demyx got up after getting his butt kicked. "Ow", was all he could say.

"Um, now, Demyx, can you please tell me what's going on? You interrupted my basketball game, Lexeaus BEAT ME, I HAD TO WASTE MY AWESOME KEYBLADE LIGHT POWERS OVER YOUR STUPID WATER CLONES AND uh…. I'm sorry but… Are you 'dope', again?" Roxas asked curiously.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHIT!" Demyx screamed. All Three suddenly perked up at the sound of three Nobodies cracking up behind the bleachers. They came out and then Xigbar opened up conversation.

"Okay, look, Roxas, are you having an affair with Axel or no cause we aren't going to stop talking about it unless you give us an answer."

"Ain't that the truth, hmm?" Saix asked. He patted a still enraged Demyx on the back as Roxas started to speak again.

"You guys obviously had too much Pizza, especially you, Luxord, you and your stupid "Mushroom, Banana and Teriyaki Pizza" Obsession! You Demented Nobody Pizza Killer," he hissed and Luxord only "Hmphed" him off.

"Point is," he continued, "Axel isn't gay, I'm not gay, you guys are crazy and shouldn't let Pizza sway your minds. You better thank god I'm the Keyblade master, or at least the _nobody_ of a Keyblade Master, or you'd really be in one craphole full of, well…. Crap."

"Whoa, that was deep… in a totally tubular way dude, _seriously_," said Xigbar, "That's the last time I eat cheese pizza."

"Quit it already with your phony-ass surfer-dude accent, and that is _the_ last time I have Pizza with either of you," said Xaldin, "I'm so mad, I'm gonna go watch "That's 70's Show". Later." Xaldin Vanishes just as Axel appears.

"Cosmo, you idiot!" Saix says, then everybody looks at him strangely, he checks himself and says, "Sorry about that, force of habit. Axel, you traitor! You stole my Doritos!"

"Axel, where _were_ you all day?" asked Demyx.

"Dating Namine, of course," said Axel, with a huge grin, "I think I might actually get to 2nd base with her! isn't that great? And quit calling me a traitor! I never took your Doritos, you _stupid_ idiot!" he said to Saix, Luxord and Xigbar cracking up like there was no tomorrow. Xigbar stopped to say, "You go man, You go!"

"I thought you were getting Ice Cream for Roxas," Luxord said.

"Well I was, but that was only because Roxas asked me to, and that's because he likes the favor of Rocky Road, Vanilla, and Bubble Bubble Gum Drop Sea Salt Ice Cream Mix. You know his obsession with it, he can't stop eating the stuff."

"It's true," said the Keyblade Master.

"Ew," was all the other three had to say.

"Wait. You stole _my girlfriend!_" Roxas screamed at the top of his lungs. "Uh yeah, she wanted a guy who had _really _great hair, and uh… you just were not…. Cutting… it, get the picture, mi amigos? She needs a guy with Fire!" He rambled.

"Yeah I think I do. I grow my hair and win her back, just you wait!" and with that, he teleported out.

"I'm just saying, man," he said to both Lux, Xig, and Saix and nobody else in particular, "You can't win over a girl unless you got great hair, Got it _memorized_?"

"Crystal," said the other three, and each teleported out.

* * *

"Aw, but who needs great hair when I got… _you_?" he asked flirtingly with Xemnas jamming into him.

"Be quiet, second-in-command, I'm making magic here," he groaned when he made a 'pop' sound with his wing-wang-woodle over his captive's.

"Ahhhh, ooooh, ahhhh, ooohhhh," was all he could say.

His muscles leaned up to grab Xemnas face and pull them even closer under the covers.

"And best of all," Saix grunted, "It's our little secret."

"I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said as he kissed him. "Sorry," was all he said in return. Then their moans went on going.

* * *

Um…. Yeah, the first and only funny script I wrote, and probably the only I'm going to do for KH. Review please… and good night! 


End file.
